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Accepting Submissions [22 Nov 2009|10:54pm]
onlyareader
[ mood | ecstatic ]

To Writers and Artists,

We are accepting works (poetry, short stories, and artwork, including photography) to launch our inaugural issue of our magazine, The Fine Line. The deadline for submissions is March 31, 2010.

For guidelines on how to submit please visit our website: http://thefineline00.wordpress.com/


Looking forward to reading your work,
Co-Editors of The Fine Line

How Many?

nautical mile [06 Sep 2009|03:50pm]

ghettosburg
stripped of your conventions                             

                                               and stripped of your pretty white frock
                                               the sailors smiled knowing smiles
you were forced to be alone
wail alone, aloud, a long, long time
before the kindly mariner came
                                               he grabbed you by the wrist
                                               and dragged you to safe harbor
                                               safe was the word that hung upon your lips
                                               like salt water and
the intentions of strangers
they are always kinder than you think
                                               until they ask your name
                                               Mary Anne, don't believe the lies

How Many?

[23 May 2008|11:28am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | awake ]

the night

From where I was sitting –
All I had to do was look up
To see the stars twinkling in the night
I could feel a cool breeze
Across my bare legs
I didn’t move
The tall trees rustled
It sounded as if they were talking to me
So I sat quietly
And listened
For once
The darkness felt like a comfort to me
It wrapped itself around me
Holding me close
I closed my eyes
Allowing myself to enveloped by the night

The noise was slight
The darkness was still there
But now I wasn’t so sure
The noise came again
Behind me
Familiar to my ears
I turned around

He stood there
In the darkened living room
I swiveled the chair around
I was facing him
He looked at me
Smiling he asked,
“you ok?”
I nodded
Then I looked up
And saw the ceiling of the living room
The grass and bushes were gone
Replaced by an old, faded gold carpet
Where I saw the trees standing
Was the familiar tall black cabinet

I sat there
He smiled again
“you should come to bed”
I got up and followed him

The door was open
And there it was
The darkness
I looked up and could see the stars
I heard the trees
Felt the breeze
I laid down
The moss was soft and slightly dry

The night embraced me once again
As I closed my eyes
It took me away

05/23/08

How Many?

[02 May 2008|04:47pm]
mrshannibal
the unwanted visitor

"hi"
i looked up
the familiarity of the feeling was unwelcome
"please leave" i was being curt
"but i haven't come to visit in ages"
i turned away
"don't you want me to visit with you?"
"no, now please leave"
i wanted to run away
far away
yet i knew there was nowhere to go
"i'm having a wonderful time here" i said
"all the better for me to stay"
i shook my head "no, there is no need for your company"
i didn't want to beg
yet i was afraid it would come down to that
"but i want to hold you. be near you"
"i don't like you"
there.
i said it.
"that doesn't matter to me because i am here now"
i closed my eyes
wanting desperately to will away this conversation
"i don't want you here" i said "i don't like your visits.
i never have and i never will"
i could feel a cry welling up in my throat
my heart was pounding in my chest
knowing my words would do no good
i felt tears hiding behind my eyes
"i'll just stay for a short time"
"you've said that before" i spoke rudely "and you wore out
your welcome"
i didn't care about my tone or choice of words because it
didn't matter
"i know you've been expecting me"
i said nothing as i had been found out
"i also know that i've been in the back of your mind for a long
time now...don't deny it"
i couldn't for it was true
"you're right" i said, not lying
then i suddenly felt a deep resignation to the present company
of which i did not want
"let's not talk, let's just be and let me enjoy your company"
i felt my skin crawling and i wanted to scratch the unknown itch
i longed for an exit from this wretched moment
searching for the entrance from whence this visitor came
but deep down, i knew there was none
closer it came, and the touch was cold
words escaped me
i felt myself being enveloped in a gray quilt
smothering my every thought and emotion
covering the happiness and joy of which i had been so fond
i found myself unable to stop what was happening to me
it started in my mind
the violations of my thoughts and feelings
i was ill prepared for this moment
for it came when i was weak with illness
i had no armour against this unwanted visitor
unable to fight it off
for the depression had watched me
saw my aches, pains, chills and fever
catching me at my most vulnerable
now it waits no more
for it is here and plans for a long stay
How Many?

[15 May 2007|07:37pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | frustrated ]

it's gone

it's gone
the nonchalance thru out the day
i had
in my pocket
it's gone
the cavalier feeling
holding it together
pretending
it's cool
and that, too
is gone
the steady hand
that held the pen and wrote the words
that waved "hello"
has said "goodbye"
is gone
the stamina
of holding fast and holding on
has let go, because
it, too, is gone
but me
i am still here
i waver, and sway
yet
i am not gone

How Many?

balancing act [26 Apr 2007|01:22am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | crushed ]

balancing myself
on the edge of sanity
takes practice
afraid to sneeze, breathe or move
one foot
close behind the other
sweeping over the rim
brought in front of the first
i wobble
holding my arms out
an exercise in futility really
for there is nothing
to grasp
but the air
this is an act
for all to see
asking the secret
to such a daring feat
i say nothing
for i know not
how i do it

How Many?

[25 Apr 2007|07:05am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | discontent ]

i want to talk to you
i want to tell you
what is in my head
what is on my mind
who i am
and what i have become
i want to invite you
i want to bring you
inside my world
where i reside
how i live
and the life that i now have
i want to trust you
i want to confide in you
speak of the madness that surrounds
of slipping gently
into mental illness
how that feels
and what it has done to me
i want you to help me
i want you to hold me
show me how to fight
and deal with the onslaught
of insanity
bring me to my feet
and let me not fall

How Many?

[17 Apr 2007|09:01pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | discontent ]

nothing left

there will be nothing left
of me
when you come
to get me
on the outside
a shell
on the inside
nothing
a scream sits
on the edge of my tongue
but my mouth
is closed
no sound
escapes
and the screaming
is within
on the inside
i cannot feel myself
on the outside
i feel someone else
the chill
the numbness
this is not who i am

How Many?

[17 Apr 2007|08:44pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | awake ]

leave me in peace

leave me in peace
let me think on my own
just for one minute
just for one day
let me know
that i can be me
and not someone else
in my skin
stop shaking my mind
stop making me dizzy
give me quiet
for just a moment
give me a second
to know
that it is me
who is alive
i know you are there
i feel you
i know who you are
now let me
feel who i am

How Many?

[17 Apr 2007|08:35pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | contemplative ]

calling you

if i call you
if i call you
by your name
will you stop?
if i acknowledge you
will you acknowledge me?
call me
call me by my name
acknowledge me
i get scared
i feel confused
and alone
you don't explain
and you don't want me to know
i forget
and you remember
then later
it comes back to me
in a vague recollection
i want to call you
i want to call you back to me
and talk
just talk

How Many?

[17 Apr 2007|09:53am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | hurt ]

i cannot say
"i love you"
anymore
when i do not
love you
anymore
i cannot reach out
to touch you
anymore
when you do not reach out
to touch me
anymore
i cannot say your name
in my heart
anymore
when you do not say my name
in your heart
anymore
i cannot
because you will not

How Many?

[06 Apr 2007|08:50am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | tired ]

i think to rest when i sleep
i do not
closing my eyes
dreams come and go
i move and i stretch
images flash in my mind
out of breath and gasping
i wake
i want to desperately believe
it's only a dream
and yet so real
i want to rest when i sleep
and i cannot
waking
i rush through the morning
fighting off something i cannot see
a feeling
a thought
a tug
something from the corner of my eye
that pushes, prods and pokes me
go away
i want to say aloud
only to feel
as if i'm losing my mind
i want to rest

How Many?

[27 Mar 2007|02:09pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | lonely ]

i want to grab you
i want to shake you
i want you to see
that we are not
what you think
i want to tell you
it's too late
your wishing
your wanting
will not change this
i want to shout
you've had your chance
it's been blown
sky high
all of this
i want to do
but i won't
i'm tired
and you won't listen

How Many?

[21 Mar 2007|10:45am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | lonely ]

i ask you
"how are we doing?"
and you say
"great"
but how?
i'm not home
and we don't talk
not anymore
we stopped being "us"
and became "you" and "me"
we are a couple
in name only
there is no rift
to be repaired
no gap
to bridge
we exist
in seperate worlds now
and no
we are not doing great

How Many?

[18 Mar 2007|09:48pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | scared ]

i haven't been here in awhile
the rooms stand empty
i walk the halls
my footsteps echo
tracing the walls with my fingertips
i feel the cold
the damp that has seeped in
this is a familiar place
the towers
small windows at the top
none on the bottom
the surrounding darkness
the drawbridge
the moat
i lived here
l moved and went somewhere else
now i've returned
this is my castle
these are my walls
this is my home
and i have come back
to hide again

How Many?

[08 Mar 2007|08:04am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | frustrated ]

WAITING

i waited for you
to come
and live life with me
i wanted you
to come
and live life with me
i saw you
and waved
to come over to me
you saw me
i smiled
and i waited
i stood there
still smiling
and i waited
you got smaller
in the distance
and i waited
and i am still waiting

How Many?

[07 Mar 2007|10:19am]
mrshannibal
[ mood | anxious ]

anxiety

once again
i am visited
by an old friend
don't know the length
of the visit
or the reason
but it's here
anxiety
it doesn't knock on my door
hasn't since we first met
it overwhelms me -
makes me shake
turns my stomach
leaving me confused
and torn
i rush around -
willing it to leave
trying to hide
i don't want to be held
by this
i am cornered -
it envelopes me
tearing me between
fear, depression and mania
i am at a loss for words -
i can feel my strength
waning
and i struggle
to hold back
to hold onto sanity
but it holds me

How Many?

[05 Mar 2007|04:24pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | melancholy ]

suicide by cop - you didn't know him

she cried
"where is the compassion?"
the boy's father had died
he was now alone
getting drunk
and dying
seemed the ideal solution
to joining his father
she didn't know him
but felt his pain
driving recklessly
he chose suicide
by cop
she prayed for him
when told
he slammed into a police car
and was shot
but survived
his pain worsened
and he was jailed
people heard and made snide comments
angering her
"you don't understand"
seeing humanity
as its worst

How Many?

your voice [04 Mar 2007|05:00pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | awake ]

the sound of your voice
over the phone
touches me
where you cannot
as you speak
the images of your face
come to mind
close to mine
i turn my head
to kiss you
only to find
the phone
closing my eyes
i still hear you
i am brought back in time
to your side
touching your face
kissing your mouth
you speak again
i open my eyes
to find i am alone

How Many?

the beginning [04 Mar 2007|12:44pm]
mrshannibal
[ mood | awake ]

the having of one
the longing for another
what hasn't been done in years
has been done many a time
in a matter of days
the start
is a haze of intense desire
and with it
comes deep emotions
rationalizing
questioning
dare i?
dare i not?
telling yourself -
others have done this,
so can i
but can you?
in the end -
can you?

How Many?

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